Category Archives: Humor

There’s Waldo!

This was passed along to me by a friend. Thought it was too good not to give it some retail space up here on the internetz. Enjoy the literary punny.

waldo quote

Advertisements

Magnetic Haiku

For Christmas I got a magnetic poetry set. As my refrigerator is already covered with magnetic monsters, a giant mustache, and another set of magnetic poetry. I decided these guys should go on the white board in my office. It’s a fun game to play in the morning when I’m still shaking the sleep out of my brain. Plus, it’s fun to share. I plan on doing a whole series of these. Hope you enjoy.

Daily Haiku

I laugh with my fiends
you investigate my breath
I am still on weed.

Christmas Time at ChoppyRocks

Hey Everybody. A happy holidays to you. I thought I’d share this stupid awesome video with you as my little way of celebrating another successful solstice season. This is my fourth year doing Christmas covers of songs from 90s bands, and I don’t think I’ll be stopping the tradition anytime soon. So, I’ve included not only this year’s, but all the previous years just for good measure. It’s an amazing study in the annals of my facial hair too!

Stay jolly. Stay safe. Stay un-sober. Watch out for Drunk Uncle.

The Flaming Lips – “Christmas at the Zoo”

Weezer – “Christmas Song”

Pearl Jam – “Let Me Sleep (It’s Christmas Time)”

Local H – “Disgruntled Christmas”

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

So, it looks like we’re going to be surviving this whole Mayan apocalypse thing. That’s good. I have a book coming out next year and I’d like to have the satisfaction of knowing it was actually released before the world ups and quits on me.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to make an apocalypse playlist. I asked my friends to come up with suggestions, then put this together on Rdio. Sadly some of my friends’ awesome suggestions were not yet available on this platform, but hey. If you want to add to the playlist, either leave a comment or subscribe to it on Rdio. I’ve left it open for everyone to edit.

Sadly, I can’t embed the playlist, but click here or the image below to go to it.

Short Story: The Tale of Sir Olive Hans

My sister called me up a couple weeks ago and said she had this idea for a character she wanted to draw and she wanted me to write a story to go along with it. I have to admit that I don’t even remember the last time I’d written a short story, but the name she gave the character—Sir Olive Hans—was just too good for me to pass up. So, I set out to write about 1,000 or so words of nonsense, bolstered by this most excellent illustration.

What would you like to see Sir Olive do next? Let me know in the comments.

Sir Olive Hans: The most dapper of olive-fingered gentlemen

Continue reading

Adventures in Tutoring

Hi. I haven’t posted in a while. Sorry.

So, I’ve been tutoring this kid for a couple years. The other day I was encouraging my student to do some writing, so I decided to write with him to teach by example and keep from distracting him.

So I asked him to give me a prompt. Now, he has learned that Batman is kinda my favorite, because . . . well, he’s the Goddamn Batman and he runs around Batmanning the hell out of Gotham City. What’s not to like?

My kid though, he’s a Spider-Man fan, so he tell me I have to write an essay about how Batman sucks. Here it is, reproduced in its entirety for your enjoyment (Warning: leave your rational brain out of this, please). Continue reading

Venn Diagram

If you were resurrected from the dead
and your goal is to convert as many mindless followers as possible

you are a Zombie.

If your goal is to convert as many mindless followers as possible
and if the local townspeople fear and revere you

you are Dracula.

If the local townspeople fear and revere you
and if you were resurrected from the dead

you are Frankenstein’s Monster.

And if you are at the intersection
of this unholy trinity

you are Jesus Christ.